Thanks, Craig.Top 7 Reasons Why Oracle Conferences Are A Waste Of Time
Want to turn a lame Oracle Database conference experience into a great one? You may not believe this, but I think Oracle conferences are a waste of time. That is, unless I take action. I've been to hundreds of Oracle conferences, so I'm kind of an expert in this field.
Here is my "Top 7" list about why Oracle conferences are time suckers AND how you can turn them into a GREAT educational, social and networking experience.
Number 7. Sleeper Presentations. You forgot to read that session abstract before you sat down? You're not alone! Here my secret: Sit by the door. But when you walk out, remember that the speaker probably knows how you feel but is doing they best they can. Out of respect for them and the poor souls who are actually enjoying the session, be quiet when you leave.
Number 6. My System Is Bigger Than Your System. How many times have we all heard someone talking about their, "50 node RAC global system with 5 million active users." Really? Is that even possible? Here are four proven options. Option 1 is to ask a question to shut them up. For example, "So how do you deal with the enqueue contention?" Another option is to simply walk away. If you feel that's rude, then Option 3 is to suddenly grab your phone to answer "that" call and walk away...never to return. If you're feeling feisty then combining Option 2 and 3 is wonderful. Ask the question "So how do you deal with upgrading 50 nodes?" AND THEN suddenly grab your phone and walk away.
Number 5. Not Another New Feature Presentation! Oracle Corporation and their marketing minions love to talk about futures. If you're depressed from hearing about new features you won't get to touch for the next five years, here's what to do. First, remember that Oracle Corporation user group sponsorship is important to user group conferences. Without the help from Oracle, most conferences would not occur. Second, the more Oracle sponsors an event, the more they influence the content. The money source always drives the content. The solution is to look at number of presentations given by non-Oracle employees versus Oracle employees... before you register.
Number 4. Can't Afford It Unless Oracle Sales Pays. Yes you can! I know training and traveling budgets have been cut. What you need is a free pass, right? I figured this one out while still working for Oracle. Submit an abstract to speak. If speaking freaks you out, click HERE. If you won't speak, then volunteer. Believe me when I say, EVERY CONFERENCE NEEDS VOLUNTEERS.Number 3. Boring Conference. I totally get that. Want to know the secret about boring conferences? Avoid them...unless you take action. My conference of choice is Collaborate/IOUG. I love that conference... because I'm really involved, have been for years and look forward to working with the conference team and seeing them each year. It's kind of like family to me.
Number 2. I Feel Like A Dork. Because I speak a lot, people don't realize that much of the time I feel like a social idiot. Strange, but put me on stage or in a mentoring situation and I'm fine. It's taken me 20 years of conferences to figure this one out. Here's what to do: Go with a colleague or volunteer so you'll always have someone to hang out with. If that doesn't work and you're a guy, look for the stupid games because that's where you'll find DBAs just like you (and me).Number 1. Stupid Drunks. I get so tired of drunk people yelling in my face! Especially when I can feel the spit from their mouths poke me in the eye. It only took a few years to figure this one out. The solution? Step back a couple of feet. And if that doesn't work, then walk away. Don't worry about offending them, because they won't remember you anyways.
Make It A Great Conference!
There you have it, my "Top 7" list about why Oracle conferences are time suckers AND how you can turn them into a GREAT educational, social and networking experience.
See you at IOUG this April in Las Vegas!
All the best in your Oracle performance work,
Craig.
I suspect 50% of Oracle DBAs attend conferences because they love getting free stuff. If you want to maximize the good stuff, timing is everything. Get to the booth when the exhibition hall first opens, because vendors have tons of stuff to give away and they are full of energy. Also, just before the exhibition hall closes on the final day show up again. Vendors are tired and want to get rid of as much stuff as possible... and you just happen to be there!
Number 6. Become known in your industryIf you want to focus and excel in your career in a particular area, then pass on what you know. If you hold on to what you learn, no one will know you're an expert but you... and that's lonely. One of the best ways to become known and enjoy conferences is to speak at them. If this is something you want to do, please email me. I'll mentor you. I'm serious.
Number 5. Talk to others, if you want toWant to talk with people who care about Oracle technology as much as you do? Conferences are a great way to break out of your rut and think... and if you want to talk. One of the reasons I like conferences is it gives me a chance to meet with past students.
There are always opportunities to learn at conferences. How many times have I heard someone say they were in a lame session. But when I ask if they read the abstract first, they say no. If you want to increase your chances of attending great sessions, read the abstract. Second, look for speakers you like. Third, sit next to the door just in case you need to make a quick exit! The worst you can do is look at the agenda and pick the sessions you want to attend. Do a little research and you'll be surprised how many good sessions there are.
How many places can you go to receive inspiration? Not many, is my answer! Because I can chill for a bit at conferences, observe what's going on in our industry and interact with a wide variety of people associated with Oracle technology, I tend to leave with a fresher and more refined view... or better said, "A Wider View." That in itself is worth the cost of any conference.
I take it one step at a time. I always cruise the exhibition halls looking for new products and touching base with the vendors I know. Personally, I like to encourage the new vendors because it is a massive investment for them to exhibit. When I'm cruising, that's where I typically reconnect with students and other DBAs. It's a more comfortable and relaxing environment for me. If you want to speak with an expert face-to-face, a conference is a natural place to do this. If someone walks up to me with an AWR report, I'll make time for them. If they email me the week before, I'll do whatever I can to schedule some time with them.
This one is personal. When I'm teaching or consulting, it's very intense and compressed. But at conferences, I get a chance to unwind, sit back, have a beer, and talk. I'm really involved with the IOUG conference and each year I look forward to reconnecting with this small group of friends. It's such a good feeling to be with "Oracle friends" without having to talk... about Oracle. I can just sit and listen without anyone wondering... What's wrong with Craig? You can do the same thing. Find an Oracle user group and volunteer.